Delusional Grazing, and Other Human Afflictions

Greetings and salutations.  As I write this, I am in the waiting area of Manchester Honda’s service department.  I actually just came from the restroom, where I saw, in the handicapped stall, a baby-changing station that had something written on it in big Braille letters.  While it’s good to see that the blind as a group feel empowered enough to change a dirty diaper in a cramped bathroom stall, this is awkward, at best, for sighted people.  What could that Braille writing on the changing station have said?  “How the hell did you get stuck with diaper duty?”  If, by some odd chance, you were a blind person, alone with a baby in a public place, wouldn’t you grab just about anybody you could find and ask them if they could change the baby’s diaper for you?  “Yeah, I just drove here, blind, with my baby; it would be a huge help if you could change his diaper for me.”

As I wait here, I realize that I had to rush out of the house without breakfast, but luckily, I have a can of honey-roasted almonds with me.  So I’m having a fairly healthy (and messy) little snack now as I’m typing.  That got me thinking about those “together” people who manage to eat five small meals a day, at just the right times, so as to maximize their metabolic output.

These people think of themselves as being “down to earth”, and in touch with their deepest primal instincts when it comes to eating habits.  This is because they are “grazing”, as humans supposedly did back in prehistoric times, when we all looked incredibly buff.

What a load of horse manure!  I am sure that having five perfectly formed mega-snacks fed to me at the right times of the day would trick my metabolism into thinking I was fit.  But let’s not kid ourselves into thinking that we, in our cushy little Connecticut lives, are anything remotely like Cro-Magnon Man (or Woman), hunting and gathering just to survive.  Let’s face it:  prehistoric humans were lucky if they could find food once a day, never mind five times a day. Do you think cave-people were checking their sun-dials constantly to make sure they consumed just the right combination of nuts and berries at the right time, to crank their metabolisms?  I can’t imagine they’d put a high priority on looking fit, but what would a self-conscious cave-woman ask her date/mate?  “Honey, does this animal pelt make my ass look fat?”  “I will not wear Zebra anymore….the horizontal stripes are unflattering!”  “Ugg! This mohair underwear is really itchy.”

Which reminds me, I heard on NPR recently a conversation (it may have been on Colin McEnroe’s show) where experts said that, contrary to what was previously believed, there is now evidence that Cro-Magnon and Neanderthal humans co-existed at one point in time.  (This would have been a very long time ago.  I just felt the need to clarify that.)   I remember reading “The Clan of the Cave Bear” series many years ago, and the author (Jean Auel) was ridiculed, at the time, I think, because her plot lines involved Cro-Magnons and Neanderthals that co-existed.  The latest evidence to support this could allow Jean Auel to get the last laugh, after all.

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The Glastonbury Chorus had its first rehearsal for the Spring 2011 season last night.  It looks like we are in store for another fun and productive season!  If you or someone you know is interested in singing, feel free to contact me.  We are always looking for more altos, sopranos, tenors and basses.  We don’t require auditions, and we rehearse Wednesday evenings, from 7-9pm, during our two “seasons”, mostly at Gideon Welles Middle School and Smith Middle School in Glastonbury.  We give a spring concert in early-Mid May, and a holiday concert in early/mid-December.  (We take the summers off.)  We also sing at local nursing homes around the same time as our concerts.  I have been a member since 1998, and have had many good times over the years with this great group.  You can read more about us at our website:  http://www.glastonburychorus.org

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Well, that seems to be a sufficient amount of blathering for one post.  I will close here by saying be well, and…….sea cortés!

 

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One Response to Delusional Grazing, and Other Human Afflictions

  1. Alicia says:

    Ha! Love it. And I hate when people compare us to our Cro-Magnon counter parts. PS, their life spans were about 30 years. I think we MAY be doing something right now-a-days. Keep up the funny rhetoric!

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