A Reptile Dysfunction

I’m stuck in bed now for a couple of days (I have back issues), while my family is in Philly on a mini-vacation.  So, my mind is even more like a gerbil on a wheel than usual, and, I’ve encountered a couple of individuals recently who inspired me to write about this topic.

Every once in awhile I meet people who give me a weird, skin-crawling sensation (perhaps like molting?), because they appear to have no compassion, and no sense of humor.  These creatures can be intriguing, but also can induce nausea.  I call these people “Reptilian”.

Reptilian people have eyes that suck all the light out of a room.  You might think that’s a quality more closely associated with dark-hued eyes, but that’s not necessarily the case.  As I recall the handful of reptilian folks I’ve met over the years, I can think of at least one pair of glacial-blue eyes that sucked the light out of the room just as effectively as a black hole in deep space.

I’m sure I came across a few reptilian types in my childhood, but the first, and still the most vivid, version of a reptilian human I can recall was a female I worked with during my college years.  I suppose she is still slithering around somewhere, strangely enough, but at this point, I feel no need to find her and express my anger directly to her.  (However, I wish I had done so at the time of the “incident”, instead of going over her head to her boss, and trying to reap justice from a man who had no testicles.)  If I were to encounter this misanthropic woman today, I’d ask her why she felt compelled to go out of her way to write a false and malicious review for a college internship I did.  I’d also ask (or maybe would just see for myself) whether or not she was finally able to deal with that pesky facial hair problem.

At the time, I didn’t realize how much venom this social misfit had stored up.  She soon would be spewing it “in my general direction”, or really, more like right at me.  Wow. I’ve got to bet that no one except a miserable and self-loathing person does something like that.   For her sake, and for the sake of others, I do hope she came to feel better about herself, and has found some peace in this world.  She’d have good reason not to, though, unless she found a way to “spruce up” that personality of hers.  (Or address that bothersome hair issue.)

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Let me finish with a few random (and more upbeat) tidbits:

  • I figured out how Shape-ups really work: people put them on, and get off their asses, finally, to move around and burn calories.
  • Pervert to psychic on the phone:  “What am I wearing now?”
  • Reality TV show idea:  “Freeloaders.”  We get to witness the home life of the Freeloader and his/her “host” family.  (Hey, that’s weird:  parasites have hosts too!)  For example, Timmy the Freeloader lives in his cousin Laura’s basement, in exchange for doing various projects around the house.  But guess what – he’s done NOTHING for a year except get high in the basement.  Send in the camera crew!  Stay as long as things are interesting, then move on.  There are plenty of other freeloaders around to film.  (By the way, I personally don’t watch any reality TV shows.  I just come up with ideas for new ones.)
  • The title “A Reptile Dysfunction” has been used before, although I was not aware of this when I thought of the phrase a few weeks ago.   Gene Weingarten (of the Washington Post) wrote an article with the same name about four years ago, and I discovered this just as I was about to publish.  But I decided to keep my title, and publish my post “as-is”, because I knew I would explain it to you, and you would understand, because that’s how you roll.  (BTW, Gene’s article was very funny and very true and you can read it here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/21/AR2007082101716.html )
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One Response to A Reptile Dysfunction

  1. Helga says:

    Yes, those types are lurking among us…we need to invent some sort of warning “detector” !

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