The Handwriting On The Wall

When my bro and I were kids, our dad used to tell us all kinds of funny, sophisticated, yet totally inappropriate jokes.  (I relish those memories.)  Some of the things he told us were those fake book title/author names, like “The Yellow Stream”, by I.P. Daily, or “The Wildcats’ Revenge”, by Claude Balls.  (My personal favorite was “The Russian Revolution”, by I. Cutchah Cockoff.)

But the faux/funny title/author name that comes to mind for me today is the Chinese Mystery:  “The Brown Spots On The Wall”, by Hoo Flung Dung.  It seems appropriate for what I’m about to tell you.

I’ve always been fascinated with graffiti, no matter where it occurs.  Whether it’s on buildings, box cars, or bathroom stalls…’s a window into someone elses mind.  Sometimes I regret looking through that window, but it’s more than made up for by some of the truly cool things I have read.

My friend sent me a picture of something she saw on the bathroom wall in the (elementary!) school where she works.  I won’t show the photo here (to protect the perhaps not-so-innocent), but here is the text, which I found so endearing:

“I don’t know where I STAND with you

And don’t know what I MEAN to you.

All I know is every time I THINK of you

All I wanna do is BE with you.”


Aw, that is heart-wrenching!  (Seriously.)

And, I saw this on the wall in a fancy port-a-potty at an Irish Festival (the Irish are so poetic):

“Graham, Graham, where you ‘am?

There’s someone here who gives a damn.

We met in New Hampshire and your face was so glam.

‘Neath your kilt I admired your handsome gams.

I don’t care if you drive a LIMO or a VAN,

But I’d sure like to see you a-gan.

–signed only–Grace is My Middle Name”


That one was hard to forget, even for me (with my memory issues).

I guess it makes sense that some of the best writing occurs in the bathroom, since that is where some of the best thinking is supposed to be happening.

And now that this essay is just about over, I’m sure you are feeling quite relieved.

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