Boning Up On Math

I’ve always thought that one way we could get kids to pay better attention in math class would be to make the questions bawdy, with variables that are risquéB is for boners, kids!  Now that we have your attention regarding ”B” – Boys!  You have one!  Girls!  You want to touch – or do other things with – one!*  And, to all you gay and bi-curious boys (not that there’s anything wrong with it**) — you’re really not sure yet where you want to put that thing.  But believe me, you will, someday, and my advice:  stay off the Hershey Highway.)

(On a side note, I just thought of a way to “spice up” Geography.)

OK, now:  we’ve all seen the emails where people have concocted clever calculus conundra containing lines like “Leroy has a total of eleven whores (w) in his crack den.  If two whores die of dysentery, but Pedro, Leroy’s Marty Feldman-like assistant, goes out and lures three hungry Texan teenyboppers (t) off the street into the crack den, and convinces them to become prostitutes who are remunerated only with McDonald’s food, how many whores (w) then remain?”

(You know, I think all those people were right; I may have missed my calling as a teacher.)

My point is…if adults are entertained with boner math, then why not kids, too?  I’ve mentioned this before on my blog, but a teacher my mom worked with long ago used to say, “I like to make the kids laugh, because when they open their mouths, I pop a fact in!”  I love that saying.  Why not employ a few bawdy phrases to get your point across?  Mix in a few polysyllabic words, and you’ll have just the right admixture to keep kids’ attention and educate ’em at the same time.


*Lesbians were left out of this mathematical discussion for practical and non-judgmental reasons.

**I really hope that whole “not that there’s anything wrong with it” comment is finally now in the Public Domain.  (I’m too lazy to check right now.)  Otherwise, Jerry Seinfeld could sue my ass.  Then again, he has more money than God (or maybe even Larry David), so if he’s as nice a Jewish boy as he seems, he’ll ignore a little schmo like me.

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One Response to Boning Up On Math

  1. totsymae1011 says:

    Maybe I would’ve like math better with some sex phrases thrown in. Maybe even I’d know more now. Hard to tell…

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