OK, so it’s not Monday. I needed an “M” day. It’s Sunday. Close enough.
Look Ma, Hands-Free! : I am so thankful for Bluetooth technology. I gave up long ago trying to not lose or break my damn cell phone earpiece, so now I never use it, but just walk around openly talking to myself, pretending to be on it. With no phone present. It’s especially thrilling to swagger down Fifth Avenue in NYC and do this; as long as I don’t throw out my hip in the process.
Baby Got Blacktop: There recently was a Floridian stripper who got very sick after a fake plastic surgeon (wait….is that redundant?) shot her derriere full of concrete and tire sealant. Mission almost accomplished: the stripper’s ass did look like a tire swing when all was said and done. Kinda makes you want to believe all that mumbo-jumbo about cracks and your mamma’s ass and such.
Good Sumerians: Who Says All Ancient People Were Phillistines? Just a thought.
Giving Men Pause: My mom recently made an important observation: she said it was a (and I’m paraphrasing a bit here) particularly cruel karmic joke that in many households, someone is going through the “change of life” at the same time that someone else is going through puberty. Talk about a scary confluence of hormones. I’m surprised Big Pharma has not jumped on this and started marketing Family Hormone Plans. “If it’s good enough for Dad’s pituitary….” As if the average American knows specifically WTF their pituitary does. But that wouldn’t matter if there were some nice slick commercials to sell us this new “pill” of goods.
Final RangeleyMoose “dropping” for the day: (Not that I think about this much, but) If someone misappropriates my comedic material, I will be flattered. Because stealing is the next best thing to an actual compliment.