I just realized that on Christmas, Jews go out for Chinese. On Easter, they stay home and work on their income taxes.
Or they write obnoxious things at their blogs. Let’s see what I come up with.
Too Salty For My Taste: I’ve got a new idea for a reality TV show. I call it “Dead Sea Shore”. Nothing happens. It’s very relaxing.
My older brother complained to me, “I just don’t understand these stand-up comics today.” I replied, “Yes, enunciation is a lost art form.”
The town of Sanford, Florida (home of the Trayvon Martin case) is having an image problem. I think the town should try to promote itself by selling some hoodies. They could slap a town insignia on them with a quote, “I Visited Sanford, Florida, And All I Got Was This Lousy Hoodie. Hey, At Least I Didn’t Get Shot At By A Cop Wannabe.”
George Zimmerman claimed Trayvon Martin assaulted him with a deadly weapon, and later we learned all Trayvon had on him was soda and Skittles. Well, I posit that those items are in fact deadly weapons; deadly to the metabolism, health and well-being of our young people. Perhaps we should blame this whole tragedy on the food industry.
If a baby is born on a flying airliner, how is its “place of birth” determined, for purposes of the birth certificate? Is it automatically where the parents are from? Or do the parents get to choose a place based on how many frequent flyer miles they currently have?
A long-time airline employee delivered a passenger’s baby boy on a recent flight. She did it all by herself, under the verbal instruction of an OB-GYN who was on the plane. I’m wondering why did the doc not lay hands on the patient himself? Weren’t his malpractice premiums up to date?
Only Women Bleed: I just saw a Kotex commercial on TV. It consisted of a female stand-up comic (played by an actress, of course), talking onstage, narrating her life. There was not a punch-line in sight. Lucky for us, neither was any specific mention of the product, or what it’s used for.
Enough With The Holding: Wilson-Phillips is back, and they have a new reality TV show called “Still Holding On”. Someone needs to tell them: Please. Let. Go.
Couch Potatoes With Peas: I recently saw on the news that doctors were advertising ½ off on vasectomies (an unfortunate turn of phrase, you have to admit) during March Madness, since some guys would just be sitting around for days anyway watching basketball. And it didn’t sound like it would be hard to find a deal where they’d throw in a free bag of frozen peas (which were probably in turn sponsored by the Food Industry, still trying to recover from the Trayvon Martin fiasco).
New reality show idea for BRAVO: “Who’s The Whitest?” (You could put the same show on BET with a slightly different format and name it “Who’s The Blackest?”) This show would have to span several years by definition. Take a inter-racial couple, let them procreate, and see what color the kids come out. That’s it. What, were you expecting more? Trust me, just set the thing up, and it will practically write itself.
Not Mintzing Words: Just saw comic Dan Mintz on Comedy Central. Really did like him. Very spare and deadpan. Sells t-shirts that display line from his standup, “Are You Going To Rape Me?” For $25 a pop, I’d say so.