Let’s Be Modest, Here

I’m all for showing off a sexy bod, in a classy way.  But there are three things women do fashion-wise these days that annoy me tremendously.

First, and least important actually; I just want to mention it before I forget it.  I saw a woman walking on a New York City street wearing both a hijab and hotpants.  More than half her butt cheeks were hanging out, but she had her head covered.  Thank Allah.

Next annoying thing, and this has bugged me for years:  lack of nipple consciousness or manipulation (tweaking?) of nipple consciousness.  Come on women, you know those things distract.  If you prance around with them in distinct relief, one of two things is going on with you:  1.  You are dim about this issue, or perhaps in general.  2.  You know exactly what you’re doing.  In which case may I suggest you shave, wear tight white jeans, and display your genitalia through your pants fabric.  Because very visible nipples are pretty darn close to that in terms of distraction.  (Plus, think about it, there are TWO of THEM.)

Now, someone might say, Joanna, why even allow the definitive outline of a breast to show, never mind the nipple?  It’s true, that’s pretty close, and now we’re on the slippery slope, so to speak.  And I agree, it might seem incongruous to approve of ass-clinging pants while remaining adamant about staying headlight-free.  But I think my seemingly arbitrary “no nips/no lips policy” is pretty reasonable.  Take the test:  would you like your daughter/mother/sister/grandmother/violin teacher to be sitting across from you in a restaurant facing the entrance, with a compromised nipple situation, and a cold continuous breeze coming through?  The gawkers in the restaurant might like it, but I think you might not.  And if you do, there are probably more than just one or two things wrong with you.

And finally, the third foul fashion fetish that bugs me:  FM shoes.  They’re pretty, I’d love to wear them (though they kill)….but I don’t want to be seen in them.  I don’t want folks to look at me and say, “Oh, look at her, desperate for attention (and height) with those Fuck Me shoes.”

I want them to say, “Look at her with those Fuck YOU shoes!  Hot damn!  Well, good for her.”

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