Thank God It’s Saturday And You Lived To Read This Blog Post

Spanx should come out with a new “truss version” for vain old folks with hernias.


I figured out why I am such a good conversationalist.  It’s because I spend all my spare, waking time talking to myself.


I simultaneously have both Superiority and Inferiority Complexes.  They cancel each other out, and that’s how I can be such a nice person.


Martin Brodeur is the extraordinary goal-tender for the New Jersey Devils.  His flexibility and quickness remind people of a crab.  I think a goalie could greatly enhance his save percentage if he had an enormous penis, and covered that with some large pads  (maxi pads?).  With that thing hanging down, you’d never have to worry about a puck sneaking through the “five-hole”.  Talk about a cock-block.


I know vegans who still eat meatus.  (Look it up.)


Is it just me?  Whenever I see a picture of one of those “real housewives”, they never look like real housewives.  That is, unless real housewives typically clean their houses wearing ball-gowns, full makeup and tiaras.

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