Monday Morning Snarkfest

No Child Bride Left Behind:  Did you know Brigham Young (famous Mormon dude) had 51 wives?!  And they named a University after him?  That must be where girls originally went to get their MRS degrees.

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Jewish Time:  The Coast Guard’s motto is Semper Paratus, Latin for “always ready”.  Now I understand why so few Jews join the Guard.  Because it’s hard to be always ready when you have to wait one hour to go in the water every time you eat.

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Nobody In Here But Us Bloomers:  “Come out of the hamper!”  I hereby coin that phrase to mean “Don’t be shy”.  I thought of this as I was recalling how I used to hide in the hamper as a child when strangers came to visit.  That was just before I became a germaphobe.

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Simply Unpalatable:  I recently cracked open a Sam Adams “Porchrocker”, because that sounded about right for those of us with absorption problems.  It had a weird flavor, and I must say, it had a bouquet of Zima.  Or was it bourbon?  I was afraid to read the label.

I finally looked.  It was lemonade.

(I could not drink it, and poured it out.)

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An Observation:  Livin’ the vida local is not that exciting.

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Out Of The Mouths Of The Aged:  A doctor was testing an elderly relative’s cognition after a stroke.  He asked, “Who is the president?”  The response:  “I hate politics.”

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Vatican’s Anthem:  Concerto for organ in a minor.

(I didn’t write that – but can’t remember where I saw it!)

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The “Botching of America”:  Formerly known as the “Dumbing Down Of America”, until I heard an announcer on public radio introduce a Bach piece as “Botch”.  Egads.

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Vamoose, Oedipus Complex:  I just saw a recent picture of George & Barbara Bush.  They finally look the same age!

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I’ll Drink To That:  Vintage beers are a thing of the Pabst.

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An Observation:  In a non-agrarian society, there is no reason for adults to have dirt under their nails.

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A Maxim:  Smoking gives you great breath control, but no breath.

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C’est what?  :  Uppity French saying.

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Even Jerry Sandusky Would Say It Was Butt-Ugly:  Never mind whether or not Joe Paterno’s legacy is now soiled.  That statue is just plain fugly, and should come down for that reason alone.

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