Northern Contemplations

My latest t-shirt idea:  “Meritocracy Sucks.”

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The ONLY downside I see to old ladies eventually running the world is ~possibly~ everything will be dictated by the timing of their weekly hair appointments.

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Ogden Nash (writer of “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker”), channeled through Joanna Rapoza:

“You can’t have a bris

without a pe-nis.”

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“Fake Pagans”:  This could be either a novel, a sit-com, or a reality TV show, if you find these people really exist.

Parading as classic Druids by day, practicing secret “moronic” Judaism at night….these are the Fake Pagans.  They pretend to worship Mother Earth while the sun is up, but as soon as it goes down, they have trysts with the Big Man involving oddly-placed yarmulkes.  Who knows, they might eventually even run into a couple of vampires.

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Sneer Lines:  A new kind of facial wrinkle endemic to the younger, obnoxious generations.  (I have one on the right side of my mouth.)

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“Ashy White Girl”:  new, fresh re-write to Foreigner’s “Dirty White Boy”.  Theme:  the woe of dry, dusty, lifeless looking skin is not just the sole territory of our beloved black brethren and sistren.

Jesse Jackson would tell us to exfoliate!  Hydrate!  Apply protectorate!  And then just wait.

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Our Cups Runneth Under:  Dependence on oil was a problem going way back to the Maccabees’ time.

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Mobile Mic:  Here’s an idea if anyone wants to roll with it – I’d do it if I could.  Get a nice RV, take it wherever you feel like, advertise ahead of time where you’re gonna be and that you’re doing an open mic [all performers welcome, but in particular, comics].  Serve vintage beers for $1 each.  (They’re vintage because they’re past the expiration date.)

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Duh’merica:  the dumbing down of America.  Made more efficient.

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Mitt Romney is one of the few politicians who have that rare quality of simultaneously being both boring and offensive.

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Location, Location, Location!  I keep trying to feng shui myself around the room in order to type this in the right position.

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Interpretative Dance  is under-rated.  If there is a God, He needs to be entertained.  Surely He is sick of watching people play cards and rob banks.  I’m betting He’d like to see someone jump around to music spontaneously just for the pure enjoyment of it.

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Am I having fun yet on my vacation?

If I lift the corners of my mouth, will happiness ensue?

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