Chick-on-Chick Action & Other Important Updates

Today, at Chick Fil-A restaurants around the nation, gay marriage supporters are staging a same-sex Kiss-In.  (I’ll bet at some point someone’s breast gets felt, too.)

That news-flash as well as the story of Olympic Gold Medalist Gabby Douglashair seem to have been the big topics on the morning news today.  Plus, a tearful coal miner.  (Note to CNN staffers:  you should have arranged for a little coal dust on the dude’s face.  It would have been easier to see the tracks of his tears.)

Walter Cronkite is currently spinning in his hammock in heaven.  He’d be horrified to see how little news is actually reported on “the news” these days.  I don’t mind some fluff, but it’s tough to regularly watch panelists walk out from backstage, show off their threads, and get seated – all choreographed to musical selections from their iPods.  (Or in some cases, I think, from their Walkmen.)  Then there’s still a few minutes of chit-chat before they even get to any actual news.

I visualize a modern version of the 1973 CBS Evening News with Walter Cronkite.  At the top of the half-hour, the K-Man swaggers out in a Nehru jacket, with “I Shot The Sheriff” playing in the background.  [The man was such a Badass.]  He seats himself at a low table, whereupon Romper Room’s Miss Sherri descends upon him with colored construction paper and child-proofed scissors.  “Now, Walter, you’ll be reporting on gas shortages and the Vietnam War today.  I want you to pick a sheet of paper, and cut out a shape that expresses the way you feel about the stories you’re going to deliver.  Oh, look at you go!  You’re such a Do-Bee!”

(BTW I’m fully aware that Romper Room was a 60‘s phenomenon.  But I just had to plug Miss Sherri in to my essay, because she seemed so fitting.)

Thank God for Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart.  They’re all I have left.

 

This entry was posted in Funny Irreverent Stuff, Serious Stuff and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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