I was once lying awake in bed in the early morning hours, trying to get back to sleep by listening intently to my husband snoring. As the sound became intolerable (because when it’s soft, it actually can help me get back to sleep), I turned my head and said, loudly, “Really?”
My husband instantly stopped the heavy snoring, and went back to the light snuffling I find most comforting. Since that time, I’ve occasionally commanded him to quiet down in the wee hours, and though he’s always deeply asleep, he usually responds to my request. This makes me wonder how much influence wives could have had over their husbands throughout history by scolding them while they slumber.
Hillary Clinton: “Honey, none of those bitches will ever respect you in the morning like I do.”
Ann Romney: “It’s a penis, honey.”
One of Yassir Arafat’s wives: “It looked much nicer filled with buttered rolls.”
Any of Donald Trump’s wives: “Please. Swallow your tongue. Tonight.”