I Haven’t The Foggiest, And I’d Like To Keep It That Way

Organic fog machine.

Organic fog machine.

Fogging Failure:  A few years ago I bought dry ice to make fog for Halloween.  In order to make the fog flow continuously, I had to keep scooping dry ice pellets out of a bag and drop them into vats of water, being careful to avoid contact with the skin so as not to cause immediate frostbite, gangrene, limb amputation, etc.

Last fall, I noticed fog-making machines had become popular, and I considered buying one.  Then I walked into iParty and saw a huge display of foggers and fog juice, next to a sign that said, “Where does fog juice come from? Is it safe to breathe?”  That’s when I realized it might not be a great idea to buy one of these gadgets.

Where does fog juice come from, anyway?  Is it extracted from Sarah Palin’s brain?  Or is it made in China?  “Ah, yes….we have excellent fog juice!  Special ingredient is….lead.  Special ingredient make fog very thick!  Can’t see through it!  After breathing, you can’t see at all!”

I think it’s best to stay away from machine-generated mist, as it might “fog you up”.




Mensa For Dummies:  How are people ever going to learn to type and spell properly when their devices correct their mistakes as they go?  (Anyone old enough to remember those beautiful IBM Selectrics that we learned to type upon in 7th grade?  With the “correction ball”?)

The automatic correction of typing errors is but one microcosmic manifestation of the current concession of human brain power to technology.  Another manifestation is people standing around together, not talking, all on their own devices in their own little worlds.  Sure, technology has saved lives.  But it also lessons the quality of life for some.  Consider:  smart people developed technology, and dumb people use it.  Why?  To free up their brains for higher activities?  For solving the world’s problems?  Considering the meaning of life?  No!  They play “Angry Birds” endlessly, and text images of their genitals to friends.  Those brains are only getting softer.

I now realize why people are on their devices all the time.  It’s not because they’re assholes!  Well, maybe some of them are assholes.  But the real reason is….they have to be on their devices all the time in order to get through all the ridiculous email, texts, Facebook posts, etc. they receive every day.  The volume of communications is so large and constant, it takes a whole day to process and digest it, like large, cloven-hoofed mammals having to graze all day long just to support their metabolisms.  Eventually, the relationship of humans to devices will be like that of cows to grass in a field.  Maybe by then it will be socially acceptable to simply stand around texting, and occasionally letting a deuce drop out there in the open, just like an animal.  (“Hey, I had to get through this long text.”)

No one can think of what to say.  Or moo.

No one can think of what to moo.

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2 Responses to I Haven’t The Foggiest, And I’d Like To Keep It That Way

  1. Pat says:

    I’ll bet those fog machines are filled with something toxic, especially if they’re made in China, cause I think the Chinese are trying to kill us off, a few at a time…remember the term “Chinese water torture?” well, it’s coming true!

  2. Most fog fluid you would find at a Halloween store is a simple mix of distilled water and propylene glycol and/or triethylene glycol.

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