Darn Hosiery: We now live in an alternate sock universe. It used to be that wearing dark socks with shorts made you look like an old fogey. Now, it’s the style to wear black socks, and if you wear white socks with shorts, you’re a geezer.
Wacked Weather: Know who’d be a proponent of acid rain today? Timothy Leary.
Some Like It Ruff: My friend’s ten-pound mini-poodle tried to hump her big toe. And here I thought he was a lap dog.
Rugrat Roofie: I’m sure there’s someone, somewhere, who’s had it with their kid, and has slipped him a Ritalin Mickey.
Heirloom Gardening: Early humans probably had a hard time trusting their perennial plants. “No way do those come back next year.”
That’s amoré aroma: A fragrance for ladies of the evening could be called “Eau de Ho”.