Dark Thoughts For Black Friday

When I’m bloated and shopping I want to park in the expectant mother’s spot.  I mean, who’s gonna ask?

Maybe it means motherf@ckers

Maybe it means motherfuckers?

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What’s worse than a receding hairline?  An encroaching one where it doesn’t belong.

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Don’t stop taking your medication before checking with your doctor.  Because doing so could also cause a decrease in your doctor’s income.

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“Break a latke.” ~ what they’d say in Yiddish Vaudeville.

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Potheads may never know if they have whooping cough.

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Now that I’m older I realize it wasn’t just Blood Sweat & Tears.  There’s also lymph.

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I had Thanksgiving dinner with my mom at assisted living.  I had to give her blind table-mate a tour of her own plate.  She was offended by the green bean casserole.

I used to think it was just babies who smiled when they had gas.  Now I know it’s also the elderly.

I jokingly asked the kitchen staff for some box wine and they brought me a selection of…box wine.  I chose the “white-ish blend”.

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As a child, I didn’t have to constantly figure out who the trannies were.  My son does. I gotta wonder what that does to young brains, en masse.

Not to mention what it's doing to MY mind.

Not to mention what it’s doing to MY brain.

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