For Jews Who Don’t Shop, Saturday after Thanksgiving is a Black Sabbath

I’m waiting for a new reality TV show:  “Celebrities Who Suffered Hearing Loss From Movie Stunts They Tried To Do Involving Spraying Water”.

It will consist of deaf celebrities attempting to tell one another jokes.  Occasionally, someone pulls out a water pistol and sets off a nervous breakdown.

"What?"

“What?!  I bit my lip when they sprayed me in the face.”

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Mission:  Impossible:  Multi-tasking Unit

A man is lying down waiting for his wife to come to bed.  He hears her in the bathroom getting ready.  First there is the sound of the electric toothbrush, fired up for what should be a total of two minutes before it automatically shuts off.  The husband smiles, knowing his lovely bride will amble over to the bed and climb in as soon as the brushing cycle is completed.  But suddenly another sound is layered over the toothbrush; why, it’s the sound of urination!  His spouse is apparently peeing whilst continuing to clean her dental façade.  Impressive.  But what’s this?!  Another sound?  A leaf blower?  And now, a xylophone?  Playing PYT by Michael Jackson?

Either the husband is asleep and dreaming, or the wife really has some skills (as well as a peculiar night-time routine).

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Existential question #32:  Is the hound after the fox, or vice versa?  Or can it be both?

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I’ve never been out for Chinese food on Christmas, but I did make chow mein on Thanksgiving.

Hoo Me on Cam's head 11.28.13

When I did make a turkey, I put my special vegetarian stuffing inside it.  Not a speck of meat in that there stuffing until it got stuffed into a big hunk of meat.

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In our house, we’re like the three grumpy but kind of cute bears, lumbering around, eating each-other’s leftover candy bars.

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Leaving out uneaten Halloween candy for weeks can inoculate you against the food industry.  (You learn how to take or leave junk food.  However, it may turn your family into a bunch of grumpy bears.)

"YOU shut the fuck up."

“YOU shut the fuck up.”

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