The To Do List is a local comedy show wherein about a half-dozen random words are generated by the host and given to each comic to develop monologues.
I’m going to give the 12/5/13 show list a whirl (it was on the event flyer), even though I’m not on the show. It’s a fun writing exercise. What’s below is not really a monologue, but more a series of non-sequitur jokes I quickly wrote using a sort of internal free-association. The words were: nectar, debate, balcony, timid, flammable, obey and tree-house.
“Nectar of the Gods” is a book I read in high school. It’s also how dyslexic dogs think of toilet water.
I had a debate with my son at the beginning of hockey season. He argued that his coach was already mad at him. I replied, “How can that be? He’s never seen your room.”
Why did the monkey fall off the balcony? Because he was dead. Why did the other monkey fall off the balcony? Because he’d eaten GMO bananas. And he was dead.
As a child, I was timid and would hide in the filthy, dirty clothes hamper when my grandparents visited. These days, my grandparents are dead, and I’m a full-blown germaphobe.
I wonder how many little kids had to go up in flames on Halloween before they started making costumes that were not flammable. (No joke there; I just hate trick or treaters.)
When you take marital vows, I think there’s something in there with the word “obey”. (That’s it. That’s the joke. Ha!)
My one experience in a tree-house involved a boy saying he wanted me with every fiber of his underwear. I wanted to jump, like a monkey on a balcony.