“You So Cold”, And Other Seasonal Edicts

Rudolph went down in history, and during mating season, on other reindeer.  He was inspired after Jack Frost nipped at his nose and missed.  #NorthPoleGoneSouth

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We hear about the Baby Jesus all the time, but never about His toddler years.  I want to know about Toddler Jesus.  I bet He was a Holy Terror.  Much like Ivan the Terrible, when he was Two.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I saw on the news that a man was stabbed in the parking lot after a sporting event, and at the end of the story, they gave the final score of the game. #AssholesNowRunningShow

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thou shalt not kill the environment. #NewCommandmentNeeded

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ve been using hashtags a lot lately because the word “hash” is in it. #HashIsHappiness

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why do some parents buy their kids everything they want?  Because they feel guilty for not showing them enough actual love.

My kid ain’t getting shit for Christmas, because he knows I love him so, so much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I feel bad for the children of rapists.  What good things can they tell themselves about their parents?  “My father was assertive.  My mother was accommodating.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you say “wtf” to a dyslexic person, they think you want to fuck the world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rudolph’s girlfriend likes reindeer meat.

She also likes stew.

She also likes stew.

This entry was posted in Funny Irreverent Stuff and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s