Gracisms

Turns out we’ve all secretly been using “smh” to mean “scratch my hiney”.

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Is there an athlete out there yet named Dafuq Williams?  Well, there should be.

And then there are these guys.

There’s already these guys.

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I’m going to start referring to God as “The Supplier”, and see how long it takes all of you to catch on.  Might take awhile since I don’t often publicly discuss God.  I mean, The Supplier.

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“One Rung At A Time”:  reality TV show featuring a Chinese housepainter’s losing battle with emphysema.

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If I were God, I’d answer all prayers just like Him.  Randomly.

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Dear Men,

We like it when you’re sensitive, but we never want to actually see you cry.  If you must cry, please do a parody of yourself, crying.

Love,

Women

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I’m very comfortable with my position at the top of the fool chain.

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Try balancing on a physiology ball while on your shaker mashine onm highest setiinhg, now that’s skeill….also try typingk int’s rilly hard wwww dbl visisisoln.

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I offer Nutella to my guests, and they say I have quite a spread.

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Thong underwear should come in small, medium, large, and disposable.

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I’m thinking of unloading my abandonment complex this year.

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In old age, pampering yourself takes on entirely new meaning.

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Highly irregular things kids witness can doom them to life-long therapy.  My son’s been traumatized by the rare occasion he’s seen me cleaning.

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As you age, it’s especially important to hold your head up high, so as to stretch out all that unattractive saggy skin.

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I like to do things with aplomb most of the time.  Also occasionally with bananas.

Trying to keep my head held high.

Trying to keep my head held high.

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