Unconscious Couplings

I think a Cheese Whiz creature came alive in the back of my pantry.

Next time this guy stops by will be the second coming.

Next time this guy stops by will be the second coming.

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I saw a carpenter ant walk by carrying a toenail clipping.  Clearly working on a large project.

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Cartoon idea:  two girls arriving at an ancient Greek party.  “Oh look, minotaurs.  I hear they’re hung like a horse.”

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How hairy was Robin Williams?  He could clog a drain at fifty paces. #fuzzyandfunny

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Why did the statistician cross the road?  He wanted to get to the median.

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My sleep number is 180.  I lay my feet on the pillow.

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It’s so cute how Subway Sandwich Shops utilize all those old Easy-Bake Ovens.

SNACK CENTRAL

SNACK CENTRAL

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Tiny mites are living in our facial pores!  I wonder if, at night, they converse with the mites in our bedding.  #pillowtalk

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Maybe if his name had been Jeffrey “Dimer”, his freezer would have been stocked with little bags of weed, instead.

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I was taken aback when I incorrectly read the subject line of an email from President Obama as, “I’ve Got A Blunt”, instead of “I’m Gonna Be Blunt”.  #hashtagged

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Did you ever look at your phone and go, “This started as an orange juice can and a string!  Look how far they’ve come.”

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Sometimes I’m actually giving people the finger, it’s just embedded in my waving hand.

No offense to Big Papi

No offense to Big Papi

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