I think a Cheese Whiz creature came alive in the back of my pantry.
Next time this guy stops by will be the second coming.
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I saw a carpenter ant walk by carrying a toenail clipping. Clearly working on a large project.
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Cartoon idea: two girls arriving at an ancient Greek party. “Oh look, minotaurs. I hear they’re hung like a horse.”
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How hairy was Robin Williams? He could clog a drain at fifty paces. #fuzzyandfunny
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Why did the statistician cross the road? He wanted to get to the median.
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My sleep number is 180. I lay my feet on the pillow.
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It’s so cute how Subway Sandwich Shops utilize all those old Easy-Bake Ovens.
SNACK CENTRAL
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Tiny mites are living in our facial pores! I wonder if, at night, they converse with the mites in our bedding. #pillowtalk
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Maybe if his name had been Jeffrey “Dimer”, his freezer would have been stocked with little bags of weed, instead.
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I was taken aback when I incorrectly read the subject line of an email from President Obama as, “I’ve Got A Blunt”, instead of “I’m Gonna Be Blunt”. #hashtagged
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Did you ever look at your phone and go, “This started as an orange juice can and a string! Look how far they’ve come.”
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Sometimes I’m actually giving people the finger, it’s just embedded in my waving hand.
No offense to Big Papi
