Naked Truths

I recently heard a radio interview of nudists. What a ruse! Those people don’t need towels, they need Harry Potter’s Invisibility Cloak. (Already plenty of wands.)

The only female I heard speak admitted the first time she went to a nudist colony, she was tricked into going. Technically, she was “underinformed” (and soon to be under-attired).

I’ve always felt nudity makes you vulnerable. Like duh. But I feel the need to say the obvious. Nudism has never mainstreamed because it’s not practical, it’s not hygienic, and one literally becomes more vulnerable. Our predominant instinct is to cover up, from the second we come out of our mothers’ wombs.

In ancient times, only infants and the lowly were unclothed. (The Greeks? They just wanted easy anal access.) Slaves, prostitutes; they were the most vulnerable and abused. No wonder we don’t want to be like that. And personally, I don’t like breezes on every inch of my body in a public place. For crying out loud, be a nudist in your home after showering. Remember to draw the drapes; if you’re not covered up, then your windows should be. UNLESS you’re an exhibitionist. Not an attractive quality! And once you hit middle age, every bodily expulsion has a moisture component. Or so I’ve been told. Families are going to nudist colonies, doing everything together from kayaking to grocery shopping. When Mom sneezes, you hear “bless you”, then, “clean up in aisle seven!”

Hey Nudists: instead of carrying around a towel that you have to keep tossing on your boner, or that provides a barrier between the park bench and your urethral emanations, how about……clothing!? Even tiny clothing, just to cover the essentials. We know you want to expose yourself; would you please have the decency of obscuring your bits?  To those who say nudism is natural…..defecation is natural, why don’t we do that in front of each other? Sex is natural; same deal! I’ll tell you why…it’s because it’s uncivilized and pathetic to do these things in front of other people, and so is parading around naked. Plus think of all the extra car accidents.

One final question: do construction workers at nudist colonies get to whistle?

Construction Workers

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2 Responses to Naked Truths

  1. John Dumez says:

    OMG, you are sooooooo funny! You make my day with your posts! Hope all is well.  Tell Mary I said hi!  Love you, John 

  2. JOHN I MISS YOU! Move home!! 🙂 Love, Jo

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