Bush & Kush & Other Incongruities

Jeb Bush recently did an interview entirely in Spanish with Jose Diaz-Balart, revealing intimate things he never discusses in English.

Jeb Bush and Jose Diaz Balart

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A friend gave me a lovely passage about butterflies as spiritual messengers, and I thought, “How come I only get moths?”

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When you find that one person at a party who seems to want to listen endlessly to you, move away. They’re obviously crazy.

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Jeb Bush definitely was into the kush at a young age. Notebook doodle he did in ninth grade: “Cannabunkport….Yeah I Can! Ferry Leaves At 4:20 LOL”

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I dreamed I was a French used car salesman and my dealership was called “C’est La Vehicle.”

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What’s more ironic than a militant feminist with a shaved head and hairy pits?

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I saw Sandra Bullock in Gravity and was left wondering why anyone in space requires a bra.

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I have found that my way actually quite often involves the highway.

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If The Human Centipede had been set in the American south: “Hey, y’all! Y’all, y’all, y’all, y’all, y’all, y’all, y’all, y’all.”

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They’re saying Shakespeare smoked pot. So in ninth grade, when I called him The Bud, I may have been right.

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When is a cougar like a cheetah? When she’s on Ashley Madison.

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I really hope the world doesn’t come to an end, now that I’ve finally discovered boy shorts.

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Some people do lousy things because psychologically, they’re assholes.

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Shakespeare after bong hits: “Now where did I put that last sonnet?”

shakespeare-weed

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Some polls are showing Bernie Sanders is actually ahead of Donald Trump! So why does the media only focus on Trump? Only his hairdresser knows.

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The mother bear who kept swatting her five cubs out of the above-ground pool in New Jersey? She was just trying to have a little adult swim.

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Whenever a big story breaks, such as Sarah Palin saying we should all speak “American”, I wonder what the media is trying to distract us from. Besides my dangling preposition.

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As a child, my goal was to one day be welcome in every family’s living room. Also their bathroom.

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I watched “Working Girl” again. What a great movie. Lots of people get frustrated during that scene where Melanie Griffith is vacuuming topless in the next room. We’re all straining our eyes trying to see what brand of upright she’s using.

Working Girl Vacuuming

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When taking the high road, keep a low center of gravity.

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Scientists are finding more polar bears dead from starvation then ever before at the Arctic Circle. It’s a jungle up there.

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The demise of this country began with Casual Fridays.

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The introduction of processed foods gave the human race a 9-to-5 gut.

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I wonder if Neanderthal Man was the inventor of paper towels.  Neanderthals eventually starved, so they were never thought of as having any Bounty. And they had started dating Cro-Magnons, aka The Quicker Picker Upper.

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How much different would the French Revolution have been if Marie Antoinette had actually said, “Let them smoke weed, then eat cake”? I mean, with all those pastries they’ve got over there? There wouldn’t have been a revolution.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

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