Page V. Stage

I knew a kid growing up who had permissive, hippie parents. The advice they gave her about having sex? “Always get a last name.”

Old hippie couple

Also, tell Grandpa to find his pants.

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It comes in handy that everything you need to know you learned in kindergarten, because so many adults still conduct themselves just like kindergarteners.

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What do kinky motel owner couples like to do? They go over to the Marriott and have hotel sex.

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I was at a party and listened for twenty minutes to a group of people talking about ways to avoid paying taxes. They then spent the next twenty minutes complaining about people on the government dole. #irony

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My dad was a physicist and used to tell us kids when we were bad that he’d rip us a new black hole. Physicists can be ornery! Good thing Stephen Hawking could never work the belt.

Hawking and family

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Bernie Sanders has big balls, and they also have flyaway white hair.

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What is up with these asshole parents who let their kids stockpile guns and Nazi memorabilia? Are they that afraid to go in their rooms to check up on them? I risk life and limb daily going into my son’s stinky room…I can’t really describe the stench. It’s a combo of ass crack, balls and pits. Yet I would KNOW if he had Nazi memorabilia in that mess…despite the dirty clothes, used tissues, rats scurrying by, radioactive waste and overturned Porta-Potties….I WOULD KNOW.

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I started calling my son Volkswagen, because he constantly farts but denies it. #supplier

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I’m guessing that in Caveman Times, it was much harder to be an asshole and somehow blend in than it is today. If you were in a tribe of barely surviving prehistoric humans, good luck being a teenager who compulsively wrote messages on the cave wall to her friends when she should have been doing chores. Try being the grumpiest, most territorial elder of the club, and you just might wake up dead one day in the back of the cave. The Leader would then say, “Move on, nothing to see here, just another one of us crapped out.”….this is what natural selection could have been.

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Inflammation: what is it good for? I tell ya, if it were not for inflammation, we would not have pearls.

pearl and shell

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