Valley of the Trolls

Kids today mature quickly. I overheard third graders playing Duck Duck Grey Goose.

gray goose

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The other night I parked at a club next to a motel where a fatal stabbing had just occurred. I positioned my car just out of arms’ reach.

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Henny Youngman as a devout Mormon: “Take my wives, please.”

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I met a really nice comedian who was covered in tattoos. He had full sleeves and everything. He has a daytime job, works with kids and they love him. They think he’s animated.

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They fought so bitterly during the Republican “debates”, Donald Trump and Marco Rubio will no doubt one day be featured in a gay porno called “Trading Blows.”

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If Cinderella had been a Jewish Princess, she could have stayed at The Ball until 1 a.m.

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I’m surprised the Kardashians haven’t ko-opted their own version of religion and kalled it Khristianity. I wish they’d klimb onto their yakht and sail to Syria.

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These days, many journalists are driven to drink…the mainstream media Kool-aid.

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I received an email from Verizon Wireless telling me I’m going paperless, so I printed it out.

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There should be a “useless” button on Facebook for when you watch a five-minute video thinking you’re going to learn something, but you don’t.

Facebook angry face

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Since we’ve regressed this much, why don’t Trump and Cruz just have a duel?

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Obama may be a lame duck, but Ted Cruz is a complete loon.

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Here’s the thing about those videos of cats being startled by cucumbers. None of those cats were female.

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April is Alzheimer’s Awareness Month. On May 1st they tell patients, “OK, you can go back to what you were doing.”

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It’s extra disturbing running into dirty old men who are actually younger than I am.

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Despite my efforts to fix it, Facebook keeps communicating with me partly in Italian, so I called it a Stugatz.

Italian Facebook email

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To the guys who keep posting face-swap pics of themselves and their GFs on Facebook: why don’t you do a dick swap? Oh, I see you already have.

Ted Cruz face swap

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That super-famous guy on Facebook with no arms or  legs but a wife and kids: apparently he’s still got one working appendage.

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I read that phthalates in commercially-produced chicken can make your child’s penis small. And that’s why I serve my son only the finest quality foot long hot dogs.

foot long hot dog SNIPPED

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One Response to Valley of the Trolls

  1. doolinpup@aol.com says:

    Loved them, especially the one about the duel…it’s so true!

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