I’m not a Schadenfreudist, but I like watching them on TV

Not to be outdone in the kinky department, BET is releasing a movie titled “Fifty Shades of Ashy.”

****************************

Confucius said, “Man who doesn’t wash hands after bathroom not wise man.” My Vietnamese nail lady says, “Skinny guys good for sex in bath.”

****************************

People who seem unflappable can go flap themselves.

****************************

If the Green Party changed its name to the “Incredible Green Hulk Party”, they might get more takers.

green hulk rampage

****************************

Music soothes the savage beast. Warner Brothers always showed the Tasmanian Devil stopping in his tracks when someone played violin. I know it’s a cartoon, but I offer it as proof to those of you who don’t like facts.

****************************

I met a guy with “face blindness” who said he never forgot a set of tits.

****************************

I took a Buzzfeed quiz telling me what scientist I was in a previous life. It said Isaac Newton. A footnote said, “Do you really believe this stuff, Einstein?”

****************************

Caitlin Jenner is going to pose nude for Sports Illustrated with her new and old appendages. She will need a fluffer as well as a tucker.

****************************

If done properly, public shaming could save the world.

****************************

In Jamaica, everyone has three goals:

  1. Find food.
  2. Find weed.
  3. Find food.

Jamaican flag and country

****************************

Funny how when we were kids, none of the boys that wanted to play doctor were Jewish.

****************************

My mother grew up in the Bronx. They never worried about guys in women’s clothing in the restroom because they were too busy avoiding men in raincoats in the subway flashing their genitals.

****************************

Hebrew National hot dogs are different because they are circumcised.

****************************

I know a woman who craps regularly but has no moral fiber.

****************************

Primary Law of the Internet: If you seem like a dick, you probably are.

****************************

400 years from now people in a museum will be looking at an oil painting titled “Woman Cradling iPhone.”

painting woman holding iphone

 

This entry was posted in Funny Irreverent Stuff and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to I’m not a Schadenfreudist, but I like watching them on TV

  1. doolinpup@aol.com says:

    True!

    400 years from now people in a museum will be looking at an oil painting titled “Woman Cradling iPhone.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s