Celebrate Halloween by ghosting people that deserve it

Whenever you get played, just tell yourself it’s because you are an instrument of love.

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I don’t recognize the weird instrument Jon Batiste plays in the opening frames of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, but it looks like he’s blowing Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney simultaneously.


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They say the presidency ages you. Trump started off acting as if he were two. Now he seems about five.

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Trump never mentions the wildfires in California because he hates discussing anything more orange than him.

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There is controversy over whether or not the Boy Scouts should admit girls to their group. What they really need is cookies.

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A new children’s book about gender transitioning is due out soon. It will be titled “See Jane’s Dick.”

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I went to a lung specialist and he tried to feel my boobs, explaining, “Think about it, no one ever checks from the outside.”

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If Louis CK wanked off in front of Tig Notaro, then his problems are much worse than I thought.

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Women in Saudi Arabia can now drive. I hope they also will be able to parallel park.

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I’ve begun to think of my mind as kind of an “idea farm.” There’s lots of manure.

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When Helen of Troy became gluten-intolerant, her ass launched a thousand shits.

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2 Responses to Celebrate Halloween by ghosting people that deserve it

  1. John Dumez says:

    Lol, your so funny!!!! I was listening to Paula Poundstone on NPR yesterday. She is hysterical. I also like Margarita Chow (not sure if I spelled her name right). Have a great week!

    John

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  2. doolinpup@aol.com says:

    Thanks! I enjoyed those a lot, especially the one about the new children’s book (See Jane’s Dick)

    I think that instrument that Jon Batiste plays might be called a musichordia.

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