Thyroid Terrorism

I never tire of the Internet visiting me by delivering articles like 12 signs that a thyroid might not be working as it should. Paranoia about health is no longer necessary to propel people to websites to self-diagnose illnesses. The Web can reach out and grab you by the neck, inside of which somewhere is your precious thyroid, and scare the shit out of you for no good reason. 

Below, I explain to the Internet how it’s wrong when it’s trying to tell me (via the above linked article) symptoms indicating my thyroid is messed up.

1. Fatigue

Got it! I’m really tired of poorly written, uninformative health articles.

2. Anxiety and depression

Those articles also make me sad and nervous.

3. Constipation

I’m doing fine. Maybe the Internet needs more fiber.

4. Random sweat

It’s never random; there’s always a reason. And usually a smell.

5. Weight management issues

My only issue is that I think some people gain weight intentionally so they can have more tattoos.

6. Changes in taste

Food still tastes great to me, when I have an appetite.

7. Thinning hair

Reading horribly written, misleading articles makes me pull my hair out. See #1.

8. Muscle soreness

It’s mostly heartache from these stupid articles. See also #1 and #7.

9. Visible lumps

If I could find the author of these horrible articles, I’d make sure he or she had some visible lumps.

10. Dry skin

Gee, that covers everything. Way to make people paranoid in their own skin, Internet!

11. High blood pressure

…Is what you’ll get if you try to self-diagnose based on these ridiculous articles.

12. Menstrual cycle changes

Ask your doctor! But only if she’s a woman. Otherwise, it gets uncomfortable.

This entry was posted in Funny Irreverent Stuff, Serious Stuff and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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