I’m changing my name to Joyanna because I want to be happier, dammit

A woman once told me I was the most beautiful pregnant person she’d ever seen. At the time my son was six months old.

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Cleaning out the closet and found a 1980 issue of Playboy. Talk about big hair.

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I’m performing at a private event in a garage. There will be hoes.

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People with a lot of gas must subconsciously want to be astronauts because they’re constantly trying to blast off 🚀

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Gentlemen, your relationship with women may be broken down into three phases:

1. She likes when you touch her tits.

2. She pretends to like when you touch her tits.

3. You no longer have access to her tits.

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I possess every kind of intelligence there is including parallel parking.

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Bankable and bangable are only one letter apart; that’s saying something.

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I’ve such a bad rejection complex, it hurts to see Jehovah’s Witnesses bang on my neighbors’ doors.

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”Words With Friends With Benefits” is the new game for cunning linguists.

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Thundershirts are not just for dogs during electrical storms and fireworks. I got a Great Dane-sized one and it truly relieves depression and anxiety. I do however find myself taking long walks and peeing on fire hydrants, but aside from that, doing great.

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“Do not give anyone the power to make you feel worthless.”

– Name Withheld

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