Tag Archives: cleaning

Standing in my filth: Pig-Pen’s memoir channeled through a lazy housewife

Here’s the main difference between me and the Queen of England: she insists that workers in Buckingham palace walk backwards as they vacuum, so that they don’t leave any footprints. I don’t vacuum. They say it can be deeply disturbing … Continue reading

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Gracisms

Turns out we’ve all secretly been using “smh” to mean “scratch my hiney”. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Is there an athlete out there yet named Dafuq Williams?  Well, there should be. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I’m going to start referring to God as “The Supplier”, and … Continue reading

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Maniacal Mumblings

Age Delay I waited a long time to do stand-up comedy because I never took myself that seriously. (But I always wished Letterman’s show had a “Stupid Human Tricks” segment, so I could showcase the ability to cross one eye … Continue reading

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On This Day, Independence From Inhibition

What Would Albert Think:  I subscribe to the power of positive thinking, but unlike Albert Einstein and his belief in gravity, I don’t feel the need to explain or quantify anything.  In fact, I’d rather not know how it works.  … Continue reading

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