Tag Archives: facebook

Standing in my filth: Pig-Pen’s memoir channeled through a lazy housewife

Here’s the main difference between me and the Queen of England: she insists that workers in Buckingham palace walk backwards as they vacuum, so that they don’t leave any footprints. I don’t vacuum. They say it can be deeply disturbing … Continue reading

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Major Crwnage

Older women are like fine wine. They deserve to be drunk. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I hate when you’re trying to throw away a Styrofoam peanut and it keeps sticking to your hand. I also hate knowing that 45 years ago, this would have … Continue reading

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Power to the Piehole

I’d rather be a ponderer than a panderer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If I ever got divorced and started dating again I’d do things with men I never did with my husband. I would definitely try to talk less while watching movies. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ … Continue reading

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I’m delusional, but it works for me

Dear Aging Celebrities who suddenly open a Facebook account and begin posting refried quotes, old pictures of yourselves, and comments like, “I wonder if anyone remembers who I am”: I wonder if you remember who you are. Or if it’s … Continue reading

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Valley of the Trolls

Kids today mature quickly. I overheard third graders playing Duck Duck Grey Goose. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The other night I parked at a club next to a motel where a fatal stabbing had just occurred. I positioned my car just out of … Continue reading

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Two Jerks In A Circle

Just to see if he was listening, I told my kid I saw a Cialis commercial with two gay guys. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Bruce Jenner proved once again that behind every great man, there’s a woman. The TV movie based upon his … Continue reading

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420 Honey

How can I take all those Buzzfeed quizzes seriously when they are riddled with spelling errors? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Is it still considered temperance if it’s imposed? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two cowboys sidle up to a bar in the old Wild West, glaring at … Continue reading

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