Tag Archives: get laid

Was that a seizure or were you just extra glad to see me?

I finally stopped having that terrible nightmare where you show up for a final exam but haven’t studied, and I think this is because deep down I no longer give a shit. ****************************** At the shelter, I inspire cats to … Continue reading

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Don’t hate me because I’m lovable

Why has no one yet opened a chain of comedy club/restaurants with Hooters-style waitresses and called it “Titters”? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Emotions are like breasts. They’re meant to be felt. Also if you try hard, you can lick an emotion. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My … Continue reading

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This, But That

When I’m severely anxiety-ridden, I remind myself of the two most important things a human being needs to hear:  I am safe, and I am cute. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I’d rather have a bottlenose dolphin in front of me than a frontal … Continue reading

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