Tag Archives: penis

The etiquette of dick pics

I don’t know anything about the etiquette of dick pics, but I knew that title would get your attention. I must be past my prime for receiving dick pics, because in my lifetime I’ve only received two. (There’s still time! … Continue reading

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Don’t hate me because I’m lovable

Why has no one yet opened a chain of comedy club/restaurants with Hooters-style waitresses and called it “Titters”? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Emotions are like breasts. They’re meant to be felt. Also if you try hard, you can lick an emotion. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My … Continue reading

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Seminal Sunday Stream

If the majority of history’s greatest writers had been potheads instead of drunks, we’d have far fewer books. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If Ogden Nash were alive, he’d write: “Trump has won / Clinton didn’t get it done / I will not bicker … Continue reading

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Valley of the Trolls

Kids today mature quickly. I overheard third graders playing Duck Duck Grey Goose. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The other night I parked at a club next to a motel where a fatal stabbing had just occurred. I positioned my car just out of … Continue reading

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Thank You For Not Deleting This

Whenever I see someone overcompensating, I want to smash every single window in their house. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If I had a better memory, I suspect I’d be a lot less forgiving. #forget&forgive ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ New York is supposedly the city that never … Continue reading

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