Tag Archives: son

I’m changing my name to Joyanna because I want to be happier, dammit

A woman once told me I was the most beautiful pregnant person she’d ever seen. At the time my son was six months old. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cleaning out the closet and found a 1980 issue of Playboy. Talk about big hair. … Continue reading

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Standing in my filth: Pig-Pen’s memoir channeled through a lazy housewife

Here’s the main difference between me and the Queen of England: she insists that workers in Buckingham palace walk backwards as they vacuum, so that they don’t leave any footprints. I don’t vacuum. They say it can be deeply disturbing … Continue reading

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Two Jerks In A Circle

Just to see if he was listening, I told my kid I saw a Cialis commercial with two gay guys. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Bruce Jenner proved once again that behind every great man, there’s a woman. The TV movie based upon his … Continue reading

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420 Honey

How can I take all those Buzzfeed quizzes seriously when they are riddled with spelling errors? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Is it still considered temperance if it’s imposed? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two cowboys sidle up to a bar in the old Wild West, glaring at … Continue reading

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In A Pithy Mood

When people ask for a nice Hawaiian punch line, I say kummoniwannaleah. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The unpasteurized apple cider we’ve been enjoying from the local farm-stand contains something known as a “pre-biotic”. You drink it before you have diarrhea. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Regarding the … Continue reading

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Father Up!

 

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