Tag Archives: women

In need of a good Egopuncturist

They say heavy people can be remarkably skilled dancers, and I know it’s true because I saw a big lady popping and locking while making a panini. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “All good things must come to an end” is one of those … Continue reading

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I never meta feeling I didn’t like

One of the habits of people with concealed depression is sharing articles on social media which list the habits of people with concealed depression. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The cannabis plants I’m growing right now look a lot like me: kind of weathered, … Continue reading

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What’s not to lurk?

I constantly try to picture people having conversations that mirror their social media trash talk and trolling. It’s hard to imagine, because in real life, most of those people wouldn’t have the balls to say negative stuff to someone’s face. … Continue reading

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Was that a seizure or were you just extra glad to see me?

I finally stopped having that terrible nightmare where you show up for a final exam but haven’t studied, and I think this is because deep down I no longer give a shit. ****************************** At the shelter, I inspire cats to … Continue reading

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I’m changing my name to Joyanna because I want to be happier, dammit

A woman once told me I was the most beautiful pregnant person she’d ever seen. At the time my son was six months old. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cleaning out the closet and found a 1980 issue of Playboy. Talk about big hair. … Continue reading

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My First Honorarium

I’ve never officially won any honors other than consistently doing well academically, and once guessing the correct number of candy corns in a giant jar at Manchester Honda. I was therefore very honored and excited to have been invited to … Continue reading

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Don’t hate me because I’m lovable

Why has no one yet opened a chain of comedy club/restaurants with Hooters-style waitresses and called it “Titters”? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Emotions are like breasts. They’re meant to be felt. Also if you try hard, you can lick an emotion. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My … Continue reading

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Yays and Neighs and Mayonnaise

To the public figures who constantly self-brand by referring to themselves in the third person with a hashtag and/or to those who feel they can only express themselves with a series of hashtagged phrases: #waytobecool #butyourselfesteemisquestionable #yourmomdidacrapjob #PeopleLoveJoanna #Icandoittoo #Momsaidicould … Continue reading

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I Eat Like A Frenchwoman But I Burp Like A Scotsman

I’m surprised Lady Gaga hasn’t done a remake of Helen Reddy’s hit and called it, “I Am Woman, Hear Me Burp.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I read a new analysis about addiction that concluded it’s only when rats are kept in isolation, as … Continue reading

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First Brain-Dump Of 2013

  It’s “Snot” What You Might Think:   Crime scene DNA evidence often seems to come from hair, blood, skin, or semen -never mucous or phlegm.  Did you ever notice that?  I posit that people with sinus problems never commit murder.  … Continue reading

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