Almond/Hemp-Seed Muffin Top Recipe (Gluten-Free)

These nutritious things I invented are very tasty. And they make the house smell nice!

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Almond/Hemp-Seed Muffin Tops

1 ¼ cup finely ground almond meal/flour

½ cup coconut flour

½ cup raw shelled hemp seed

¼ tsp. salt

2 tsp. baking powder

¾ cup safflower oil

1 cup coconut palm sugar

4 eggs

1 tsp. vanilla extract

¾ cup golden raisins

Preheat oven to 375 degrees with convection if you have it. Grease two “muffin-top” tins (6 in each).

Combine first five ingredients, set aside; combine next four; add egg mixture to dry ingredients and blend thoroughly. Batter looks rough. Add raisins, mix. Drop into muffin tins; bake 10-15 minutes or until firm and dark golden.

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Come See My Whole Smiling Face At Comix/Foxwoods 7/22/15 (8pm)

comix foxwoods

There’s always a fun, fresh crop of comics at the Comix/Foxwoods New Faces shows. I’m in the 8pm show on Wed., July 22nd. Please let me know if you’re coming by!

Hosted by Ryan Brauth. Headliner: Pat Oates. Lineup: Joanna Rapoza, Ryan Shanahan, Matt Heath, Eryca Nolan, Kristine Blinn, Pat Bowlby, Frank Murgalo.
Doors open 7pm; showtime 8pm. Tickets just $10!

To purchase tickets in advance—–> ***Click Here!***

Jo half face bw

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Naked Truths

I recently heard a radio interview of nudists. What a ruse! Those people don’t need towels, they need Harry Potter’s Invisibility Cloak. (Already plenty of wands.)

The only female I heard speak admitted the first time she went to a nudist colony, she was tricked into going. Technically, she was “underinformed” (and soon to be under-attired).

I’ve always felt nudity makes you vulnerable. Like duh. But I feel the need to say the obvious. Nudism has never mainstreamed because it’s not practical, it’s not hygienic, and one literally becomes more vulnerable. Our predominant instinct is to cover up, from the second we come out of our mothers’ wombs.

In ancient times, only infants and the lowly were unclothed. (The Greeks? They just wanted easy anal access.) Slaves, prostitutes; they were the most vulnerable and abused. No wonder we don’t want to be like that. And personally, I don’t like breezes on every inch of my body in a public place. For crying out loud, be a nudist in your home after showering. Remember to draw the drapes; if you’re not covered up, then your windows should be. UNLESS you’re an exhibitionist. Not an attractive quality! And once you hit middle age, every bodily expulsion has a moisture component. Or so I’ve been told. Families are going to nudist colonies, doing everything together from kayaking to grocery shopping. When Mom sneezes, you hear “bless you”, then, “clean up in aisle seven!”

Hey Nudists: instead of carrying around a towel that you have to keep tossing on your boner, or that provides a barrier between the park bench and your urethral emanations, how about……clothing!? Even tiny clothing, just to cover the essentials. We know you want to expose yourself; would you please have the decency of obscuring your bits?  To those who say nudism is natural…..defecation is natural, why don’t we do that in front of each other? Sex is natural; same deal! I’ll tell you why…it’s because it’s uncivilized and pathetic to do these things in front of other people, and so is parading around naked. Plus think of all the extra car accidents.

One final question: do construction workers at nudist colonies get to whistle?

Construction Workers

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I Learn Why From A Guy Named Moose

When I was a child, and older male relatives visited, I always noticed how they’d quickly adjust their crotches before sitting. I would wonder, why is it okay for them to touch themselves? They always tell us not to. Not good to touch anything “below the belt” on you, or anyone else. That time I grabbed Grandpa’s ass and shouted “I’m a crab!” did not go over well, and I got in big trouble. Anyway, hearing Moose enlightened me to the fact that older guys have to tuck their stretched scrota every time they sit unless they want to hurt themselves. If kids knew explicitly about all this low-hanging fruit when geriatric relatives were around, there would be a lot more saggy ball-grabbing! And that is a profoundly disturbing concept. Kind of like Reverse Pedophilia.

Little Boy As Old Man

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Pics From Jalisco Comedy Open Mic

***This Open Mic is ON HIATUS for at least the summer! Always call before you haul!***

Jalisco Mexican Grill & Cantina’s Comedy Open Mic! FREE! 2X a MONTH!

103 New London Turnpike, Glastonbury, CT

~~~~ Next Show is Tuesday, June 16th  ~~~~

Hosted by Joanna Rapoza

1st & 3rd Tuesdays of each month

Showtime 9:30pm

~ No cover/minimums! ~ Some adult content ~ Signup at 9pm ~ Comics get 6 minutes ~

Phillip Anthony on 4.7.15

Phillip Anthony on 4.7.15, “wearing the hat”!


Artie Rob on 4.21.15

Artie Rob on 4.21.15


comix barakat night 1

Eric Barakat on 2.17.15


comix borrass best

Phillip Anthony on 4.21.15


comix cyr 1

Rich “The Claw” Cyr on 6.2.15


comix cyr 2

Rich “The Claw” Cyr on 6.2.15 waiving his non-claw


comix Jo snowstorm

Photo credit to John Shea. Made me look like I was eating the mic. Thanks John. Ice Storm Show, March 3rd.


comix macdonald

Scott MacDonald on 4.7.15


comix mikita

Stosh Mikita on 4.21.15


comix orpheus 2 snowstorm

Rich Orpheus, the night of the Ice Storm 3.3.15


comix orpheus snowstorm

Rich Orpheus on 3.3.15


comix santos

Rob Santos on 4.21.15


comix shea 2 snowstorm

John Shea during the Ice Storm 3.3.15


comix Shea snow storm

“Sorry bout the notes, I’ve just been workin on these new jokes for about three years” – John Shea


comix shustock

Mike Shustock on 4.21.15


comix smith

Brandon Smith during the Mohawk Years, 4.21.15


food

Jalisco has delicious and authentic and well-priced food!!!! Come and try it.


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This was a launch gift given to me by an anonymous woman who has yet to come to a show (that I know of)


Jo in bar with Sean night 1

In the bar after the first show with some guy named Sean


Jo w group in bar night 1

There are racier pictures, but I’m not publishing them


Jo w Julian in bar night 1

Owner Julian Rodrigues and I after the first show.


Lose Weight Sign

Get your butt down here soon!


margarita pouring

They have regular as well as special FRESH SQUEEZED margaritas.


salted margarita

I’ll take mine without salt, thanx


sign

A great restaurant and a fun night out!


Be There ~~ Olé, Ha!

Be There ~~ Olé, Ha!

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I Host “Relay For Life” Comedy Benefit in Bristol on 6/26/15!

I’m thrilled to be hosting another Richard Cyr production on Friday, June 26, 2015.

10% of ticket sales will go directly to Relay for Life.

Laughing is a good deed!  Here is the official press release:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact:  Richard Cyr
Phone:  203-893-8654
richcyr@msn.com

Comedy Show To Benefit “Relay For Life” At Stonebridge Banquet Facility, Bristol, CT (June 5, 2015) — On Friday, June 26, Cyriously Funny Productions and stand-up comic Richard Cyr bring “Comedy Night At The Stonebridge Banquet Facility” to Bristol, CT.  Headlining the benefit show is NYC-based comedian Mike Shustock. Writer/comedian Joanna Rapoza, a Glastonbury resident, will host a lineup featuring Shustock, Rich “The Claw” Cyr (http://nutmegchatter.com/2015/02/26/rich-cyr-clawing-his-way-to-the-comedic-top/), Peter Angelo, Gregory Joseph, Scott MacDonald, Rob Pierce, Brian Plumb, Alana Foden Susko, and Rose Vallee. Show begins at 8pm. Tickets are $15 and will be available at the door, as well as in advance, by calling 860-582-6867. 10% of each ticket will go directly to Relay For Life.

Relay For Life is sponsored by The American Cancer Society. Communities come together to honor cancer survivors and remember loved ones lost to the disease. Relay For Life teams camp out overnight and take turns walking or running at local parks, schools or fairgrounds. Events are up to 24 hours long, and each team is asked to have at least one participant active at all times, because, as the organization says, “Cancer never sleeps.”

The Stonebridge Tavern is located at 83 Barlow St. in Bristol, CT. The venue is a favorite among folks both near and far, boasting cash bar and pub food service as well as attractive banquet facilities with appealing catering options. More information is available by phoning 860-582-6867, or visiting www.stonebridgetavern.com.

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Two Jerks In A Circle

Just to see if he was listening, I told my kid I saw a Cialis commercial with two gay guys.
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Bruce Jenner proved once again that behind every great man, there’s a woman. The TV movie based upon his life (in which he’ll play both the “before” and “after”) will be called “Bend It Like Jenner.”

Not much difference, really

Not much difference, really

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Every once in awhile, I’ll say something innocent that’s interpreted as vulgar. At those times, I feel like I’m in an alternative universe.
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I removed a difficult splinter from my finger, then decided to lay still in recovery for an hour. #nap
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When you were a kid, and you’d get to talk into a live microphone, you’d say, “Testing, testing, one, two, three, four.” Knowing that when you grew up, you’d get to say, “Testing, testing, one, two, three, fuck.”

young-boy-singing-into-microphone
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Remember that one person in high school that boasted they liked anal sex? You never forget that person.
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Had to close my tiny Etsy shop. Running a “Buy One, Get The Only Other One Free” sale did not work.
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Scientists say drinking tequila actually helps you lose weight. Because you go salsa dancing afterwards.
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You can vaccinate your child. Or, you can let him go wild in the ball pit at McDonald’s. Your choice.
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You don’t think they made a few jokes about Klingons circling Uranus around the Star Trek office? Don’t be naïve.

dingleberry
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If everyone sat around and thought about stuff as much as I do, the world would be calmer. But there’d be more hemorrhoids.
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Solipsistic post I saw on Facebook:  “There are few things that affect my life less than British royalty having babies.” Not long after, another update: “Who wants to see ‘Avengers’ with me again?” I so wanted to comment, “There are few things that affect my life less than stupid movies like ‘Avengers.’ If you lived in England, right now, you’d be buying a commemorative plate.”

princess diana commemorative plate

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