Paul’s Pub Web Series: Episode 10 with Comedians Richard Cyr and Joanna Rapoza

I had great fun doing this and watching the final product. Paul Starybrat does GREAT work!

Watch Paul’s Pub Episode 10 by clicking HERE!

Below are some fun still shots from our evening. Did you watch the video? Check out Paul’s Pub’s other Webisodes!

Paul's Pub black and white Jo Rich claw gesturePaul's Pub black and white Jo Paul RichPaul's Pub color Jo Rich Jo talking into mic

 

Posted in Funny Irreverent Stuff, Promos, Serious Stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

10 Things I Didn’t Care To Read About Donald Trump, But Was Willing To Ridicule

Donald Trump close up

1. “He may seem like a Manhattanite, but Donald grew up in Queens, NY, in the neighborhood known as Jamaica Estates.”

I actually had him pegged for Rego Park.

2. “He wanted ‘to court’ Princess Diana. ‘She was a genuine princess – a dream lady,’ he says in his 1997 book ‘The Art of the Comeback.'”

Nice comeback, Donald! She chose Dodi over you. (Not the wisest move on her part, I would admit.) Even if Diana were still living, or a paraplegic…you’d have no chance.

Princess Di

3. “He attended the New York Military Academy and says it gave him ‘more training militarily than a lot of the guys that go into the military.'”

I’m just gonna let that one sink in for those of you who are not averse to trying to beat the shit out of him.

4. “He’s a big WWE wrestling fan and has taken part in a bunch of WWE events, including ‘Wrestlemania.'”

Yet another lovely characteristic America can be proud of in a potential future president.
#Idiocracy

5. “He’s hosted NBC’s Saturday Night Live twice – once in 2004 and again in 2015.”

And I guarantee you, he will not be invited back.

6. “Second wife Marla Maples said sex with him was the best she ever had.”

She’s also fond of orangutans.

7. “After singer Jennifer Hudson’s mom, brother and nephew were murdered in 2008, Donald had Jennifer and some relatives stay for free at the Trump International Hotel and Tower.”

He expected them to provide their own maid service for the entire stay.

8. “‘My net worth fluctuates,’ admits Donald, ‘and it goes up and down with markets and with attitudes and with feelings – even my own feelings.'”

I have a feeling this is a guy who does not understand financial markets, or feelings. Also, note to Donald: “crotch” is not a “feeling.”

9. “He has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.”

People are known to take their dogs specifically to that spot to defecate.

Donald Trump's star

10. “Clean-freak Donald beat his hand-shaking phobia on the campaign trail!”

Leave it to a tabloid to leak such an interesting tidbit!

Way to freak The Donald out at his next event: just before shaking hands, visibly rub your nose.

(Original column in quotes and italics; from Globe magazine April 25, 2016 issue)

Posted in Funny Irreverent Stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Valley of the Trolls

Kids today mature quickly. I overheard third graders playing Duck Duck Grey Goose.

gray goose

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The other night I parked at a club next to a motel where a fatal stabbing had just occurred. I positioned my car just out of arms’ reach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Henny Youngman as a devout Mormon: “Take my wives, please.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I met a really nice comedian who was covered in tattoos. He had full sleeves and everything. He has a daytime job, works with kids and they love him. They think he’s animated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They fought so bitterly during the Republican “debates”, Donald Trump and Marco Rubio will no doubt one day be featured in a gay porno called “Trading Blows.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If Cinderella had been a Jewish Princess, she could have stayed at The Ball until 1 a.m.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m surprised the Kardashians haven’t ko-opted their own version of religion and kalled it Khristianity. I wish they’d klimb onto their yakht and sail to Syria.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These days, many journalists are driven to drink…the mainstream media Kool-aid.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I received an email from Verizon Wireless telling me I’m going paperless, so I printed it out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There should be a “useless” button on Facebook for when you watch a five-minute video thinking you’re going to learn something, but you don’t.

Facebook angry face

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Since we’ve regressed this much, why don’t Trump and Cruz just have a duel?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Obama may be a lame duck, but Ted Cruz is a complete loon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here’s the thing about those videos of cats being startled by cucumbers. None of those cats were female.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

April is Alzheimer’s Awareness Month. On May 1st they tell patients, “OK, you can go back to what you were doing.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s extra disturbing running into dirty old men who are actually younger than I am.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Despite my efforts to fix it, Facebook keeps communicating with me partly in Italian, so I called it a Stugatz.

Italian Facebook email

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To the guys who keep posting face-swap pics of themselves and their GFs on Facebook: why don’t you do a dick swap? Oh, I see you already have.

Ted Cruz face swap

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That super-famous guy on Facebook with no arms or  legs but a wife and kids: apparently he’s still got one working appendage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I read that phthalates in commercially-produced chicken can make your child’s penis small. And that’s why I serve my son only the finest quality foot long hot dogs.

foot long hot dog SNIPPED

Posted in Funny Irreverent Stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Go East, Old Woman

I’ve finally learned: kneeling is so much better than bending over. Squatting is fun, too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s not enough to win the “hearts and minds” of the people. You must win over folks who reproduce a lot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are some days when I look very tired and wrung out, and invariably, on those days, someone will call me “Ma’am.”

Grace Black and White

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Technical institutes are now offering majors in “Manufacturing”, with minors in Chinese.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Idea for a web series: “The Press.” I interview people on a wide scope of topics, while catching up on ironing. The concept was inspired by a large backlog of shirts.

Ironing board w iron

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I started a new medication that warned of strange side effects and abnormal behavior. I knew something was wrong and had to stop it because I suddenly began catching up on housework.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I believe that Donald Trump is in for a rude awakening. I also hear he’s kind of unpleasant at bedtime, too.

Trump PJs Santa

 

 

 

Posted in Funny Irreverent Stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Comedy@Carmine’s PRO SHOWS for NO COVER!

We had a full house for Comedy@Carmine’s pro show on Saturday, 2/13/16. The audience  enjoyed Valentine’s Day “eve” dinner/drinks with headliner Ben Rosenfeld, featured comic Kim DeShields, with yours truly emceeing. Thank you to our talented comics as well as everyone for coming out in the extreme cold to collectively warm our funny bones.

Another packed and happy audience enjoyed Comedy@Carmine’s pro show on Saturday, 3/12/16, with headliner Peaches Rodriguez, featured comic Howie Mason, with me emceeing. Thank you to our talented comics as well as everyone for coming out! And thanks again to Carmine’s Bar/Grill/Stage for hosting fantastic monthly pro showcases. Mark your calendar for our next show on Saturday, 4/9/16 with headliner Rodney Norman and Dr. Jay Sutay as our feature comic.

Don’t miss the Comedy Revolution! NO cover charge/No minimums for Comedy@Carmine’s, with live music following the show until closing. It’s ALWAYS a good time!

Flyer snipped 4.9.16

Come to our next show!

3.12.16 Showcase Snipped

We had a fantastic show!

Pro show 3.12.16 Peaches Rodriguez 2 of 4

Headliner Peaches Rodriguez on 3.12.16

Pro show 3.12.16 Howie Mason 2 of 2

Feature comic Howie Mason on 3.12.16

Pro show 3.12.16 Peaches Rodriguez 4 of 4

Peaches doing her thing!

Pro show 3.12.16 Howie Mason 1 of 2

Howie captivating the crowd.

Pro show 3.12.16 band afterward

Live music til closing after comedy! Great times!

2.13.16 flyer snipped

Our Valentine’s Day “eve” show was bangin’!

IMG_5404

Feature Comic Kim DeShields on 2.13.16

IMG_5414

Headliner Ben Rosenfeld on  2.13.16

 

Posted in Photos/Travel, Press Releases, Promos, Serious Stuff, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Winking, Blinking And Nodding Off

It’s a new world. As long as pot smokers are discreet, no one will notice or have a problem with them doing it in public. Kind of like breastfeeding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Forget about grassroots organizers….we need a little grass top power.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve Harvey obviously screwed up reading the winner’s name of the Miss Universe pageant. But in his defense, he’s more of a numbers guy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Periods come at the end of a sentence. Menopause is the ultimate period.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are karma chameleons, and then there are pharma snakes. #skreli

shkreli chess

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I read that a man died “trying to blow up a condom machine.” It’s not often you see the words “blow” and “condom” in the same sentence. He actually died of a head injury. He should have listened to his mother, stayed home and jerked off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dancers are amazing people. They’re so serious about their craft; they take good care of themselves. They have regular sleeping habits, drink little to no alcohol, and that’s why I hang around comedians.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After all these years, Kenny Rogers still doesn’t know when to “fold”. Nor does his face, which is filled with Botox.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I once came to a spork in the road. And I took it, because I didn’t have a spoon or fork.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Those who think they walk on water often end up skating on thin ice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I suspect but haven’t confirmed I’m gluten-intolerant. Though I love Caesar’s Salad, I’ve always been anti-crouton. I wouldn’t eat them because I was afraid of the weight gain. Turns out I was afraid of the wheat grain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was shocked (and amused) to discover many respectable-looking ladies’ clothing mail- order catalogs have a couple of hidden pages with female sex toys tucked in them. Whenever a catalog comes in the mail now, I play a game with my family, searching for those pages, and we call it “Where’s Dildo?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The key to life is learning to keep your supply in demand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barry Manilow waited forty years before coming out and marrying his partner. It used to be something you were ashamed of, and in the blink of an eye, Manilow said, “No one cares!” In related news, the last known living Barry Manilow fan passed away last week.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As of late, I’ve decided my spirit animal is Zach Galifianakis.

Zach Galifianakis spirit animal

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No boundary is sacred anymore. They just came out with the sequel “Honey, I Got The Kids High”.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gray matter is helped by hearing Mozart. Green matter enables us to enjoy Bob Marley.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good thing the entire country is not drinking lead water, otherwise our next prez would for sure be Trump. When asked to comment on the Flint situation, he said he takes his martinis dirty, so what’s the problem?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They say those who can’t teach, do. Well my mother could “do” and she was also an excellent teacher, a huge skill in and of itself. So to those who only “do”, and criticize teachers, I say, I bet you can’t teach what you do, so…f@ck you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Governor Chris Christie is a very canny politician. That being said, he also accepts both canned and perishable goods.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“That barely makes it up over the verbal Jersey barrier, baby” – cool thing someone will say for real, some day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I tweeted the Farrelly Brothers (but no response, yet) my movie idea about Ted Williams’ head coming back to life, but wanting a woman’s body after he hears about Caitlyn Jenner. Working title: “The Fabulous Splinter.”

Ted Williams

Posted in Funny Irreverent Stuff, Serious Stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

If You Can Afford A Life Coach, Then You Might Not Need One

I saw in the news that an Airbnb was built on an old Native American burial ground. The giveaway for the reporter was a hotel manager with the name tag Sheets Like Sandpaper.

Airbnb

***********************************

It’s always better to be funny. If only Marie Antoinette had been in clown-face, they might have said, “Off with her make-up.”

***********************************

Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask your country whether it needs its dry cleaning picked up.

***********************************

I’m tired of aging celebrities who’ve had too much cosmetic work done. They no longer appear fully human; they look like Muppets, or Martians. If these misguided narcissists would go to my esthetician, she’d give them back their original faces. She has more machines than NASA. If my esthetician had been in charge of the Mars mission, we’d have found water two years earlier, along with some really nice facial creams that are outta this world.

Mars with Earth in background

***********************************

Some people say Ben Carson lies so much, they wonder if he ever even did brain surgery. However, I’ve heard from several sources that he’s got the malpractice suits to prove it.

***********************************

Why don’t some of those Middle East groups change their names to avoid ridicule? Like tell me you never mutter to yourself, “sheeeee-ite” whenever you hear the news. In the 70’s, we were told the oil company Esso changed to Exxon because the original name was a dirty word in an Arabic language. (It turned out Exxon meant foursome in Swedish, but they didn’t seem to care.)

Abba

***********************************

There are only three white rhinos left in the world, and surprisingly, Kim Kardashian is not counted as one of them.

***********************************

I usually don’t get political, but I’m going out on a limb and saying I do not believe in torture. I do think a nice enhanced interrogation technique would be to chloroform the combatants, and while they’re passed out, draw penises all over their faces with a Sharpie. When they wake up, hand them a mirror. They’ll talk! Maybe throw one vagina on there, in the middle of the forehead. You could tease them that they now have a “third eye”! If two heads are better than one, surely three eyes are better than two.

***********************************

Nice flashback: my new hair spray smells like the head shop we used to patronize as children.

***********************************

Obnoxious observations while addressing holiday cards: I use less ink for smaller families. But more when their adult children move home.

***********************************

The San Bernardino terrorist couple’s radicalization supposedly happened online, before they met. Thusly, their profiles had much in common when initially dating: “I enjoy long walks on the beach, and annihilating infidels.”

***********************************

World population has nearly tripled in my lifetime. That’s like having one cat and one litter box, then presto-switcho, three cats using one litter box. Forever. #stinky

Litter_Box_1

Posted in Funny Irreverent Stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment