Standing in my filth: Pig-Pen’s memoir channeled through a lazy housewife

Here’s the main difference between me and the Queen of England: she insists that workers in Buckingham palace walk backwards as they vacuum, so that they don’t leave any footprints. I don’t vacuum.

They say it can be deeply disturbing to your children if they see you doing something really unusual. I recently traumatized my son when he found me cleaning his bathroom.

When my kid says to me the house is messy and what am I doing all day, I reply, the same as you: looking at my phone and fondling my balls.

This whole sitting around with the weight of the world on your shoulders is much more difficult than you’d imagine. For one thing, it really aggravates your hemorrhoids.

Just remember: they say to never judge another person until you get the complete story. This is why it’s very important to always get the complete story.

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“Beyond the Sea: a Val Rogers Cabaret” – TWO performances in Norwich CT on September 22 and 23rd, 2017

Chestnut Street Playhouse of Norwich, CT presents “Beyond The Sea: A Val Rogers Cabaret” on 9/22-23, 2017 — On Friday and Saturday, September 22 and 23, 2017, at 7:30pm each night, The Chestnut Street Playhouse (24 Chestnut Street, Norwich, CT 06360) and VaJojo Productions present “Beyond The Sea: A Val Rogers Cabaret”.

Val Rogers is an accomplished vocalist and entertainer, as well as a musician, arranger and conceptual artist who has transformed her vast stage experience and love of the ocean into the beautifully crafted “Beyond The Sea.” Val and her fantastic band will perform songs that inspired her during her USO days, including jazz, swing, pop and….beyond! Dancing will be expected and encouraged. Audience members will have access to refreshments and concessions during the performance, which is approximately two and a half hours, with one intermission. For more information and pictures, please check the Facebook event: https://www.facebook.com/events/1169440363160426/?ti=icl

Chestnut Street Playhouse is a beautiful Queen Anne Style building that once housed multiple fire departments, and has been converted into a charming small-seat theater. The firehouse has always been an integral part of downtown historic Norwich, and is the place to be for the blending of performing arts and education. Chestnut Street Playhouse gives special emphasis to developing local talent, and provides quality entertainment in a comfortable setting at affordable prices. More information is available by visiting chestnutstreetplayhouse.org, or by phoning 860-886-2378.

Advance purchase of tickets is required (please visit the convenient TICKET LINK: http://bit.do/CSPBeyond), as space is intimate and limited. Admission is $20 ($25 at door if tickets are still available the day of the performance). There is a $5 corking fee.

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Roasting the Host with the Most: July 1 in Norwich, CT

This coming Saturday it’s COMEDY NIGHT at Pistol Pete’s Bar & Grill (29 Stonington Rd. Norwich CT)!

It is going to be a birthday celebration, a comedy show and a roast of the host with the MOST…Jeff Wade…all rolled into one good time! Totally bangin lineup including the roastee himself, Marcellino Moose Hill, Scott James Bennett, Jay Are Adams, Melanie Vaverchak and me… as well as a surprise guest or two, PLUS the amazingly funny Howie Mason headlining. Tix only $10. $2 domestic beer and $3 Jack Daniels drinks during the show. Call 860-886-0252 to reserve a seat!

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KBJB Radio Blog: May 25, 2017

FINGERS CROSSED I’ll soon be cohosting a KBJB radio show about Comedy. Check out KBJB’s blog and current programming content:

Site Title

everyone KBJB Radio has Great shows & Original Music!!

Hi Everyone…wow has it has been a long time I think right?  This whole month of May has flown by so quickly and I honestly can’t remember what I’ve done all month, LOL!!!!  I know we had a KBJB meeting and we tossed around a few new ideas.  We are working on doing some local comedy shows…because as you all know our Kathy Shaner Johanson (KJ) is a comedian and she is hysterical with her Long Island Comedium routine, hahahaha.  I am starting to type like I text?  It sure does get ingrained in us with all the technology.  Nice to know I can still absorb it.  🙂  We would also like to bring my husband’s bands (yes he plays in two)  closer to home so my local peeps in New Milford, CT. can hear them.   We are working on alot…

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Badass bitches in a recording studio

30 sec promo KJ (Kathy Johansen) and I did last week for Kathy Henkel’s Fitness Five and The Warped View, which air on KBJB Radio….Listen in!! We sound mahvelous! 😂——> Fitness 5 / Warped View spot

Stream KBJB anytime here—> KBJB Radio/TV

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Major Crwnage

Older women are like fine wine. They deserve to be drunk.


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I hate when you’re trying to throw away a Styrofoam peanut and it keeps sticking to your hand. I also hate knowing that 45 years ago, this would have given us kids enjoyment for hours.

 

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Reading some people’s social media posts and the ensuing commentary is like watching a monster truck event. You can see there’s some heavy duty machinery out there, but the activity seems largely pointless, if not a bit self-destructive.

#trucknuts

 

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Caged chickens desperately need cooping mechanisms.

 

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I wonder if Joseph Pilates knew about the other kind of workout you could have in a bed.

 

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I made a square pie on 3/14 just to be obtuse.

 

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An old man with Prosopagnosia (face blindness) told me he never forgot a set of tits.

 

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I’m finding adult programming too depressing so now am only watching Fraggle Rock.

 

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They say Helen of Troy’s face launched a thousand ships, but I bet what she had below the neck helped release tons of seamen.


Helen also had a great bust.


 

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Loose lips may sink ships, but tight lips can launch a missile.

 

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I have read the actual Kabbalah – it’s very difficult. Probably need Ayahuasca to do it.

 

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Old shamans never die. They consult for tripadvisor.com.

 

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America has slid into a deep, dark de-evolution of democracy. At no time have I witnessed incompetence and corruption so obviously permeating all levels of government, and frankly, the private sector as well. This is evidenced by the many dumpster fires we currently see. On the plus side, nowhere to go but up. (Mostly, I just wanted to do a blog post with the phrase “dumpster fires” in it.)

 

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People who use the cliché “It doesn’t work in the end” … don’t realize it’s code for “I don’t do @n@l.” #NoAssPlay

 

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No one has ever joked about the chicken that did NOT cross the street. #roadkill

 

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Many colleges now have videos available online so you can see the living environment and better be able to picture what it will be like when the Strippergram shows up.



 

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Some people are like litter boxes: shallow and full of excrement.

 

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If you’re a big fish in a small pond that is gonna make your ass look fat.

 

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In light of recent world events, I would like to say it’s been really nice knowing most of you.

 

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All these wonderful Trump impressions are going to be completely overshadowed by the first mushroom cloud.

 

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I hate people that boast about how their parents can still walk and talk.

 

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The point in your life when you are constantly serious but people always think you’re kidding is when you must accept that you might be insane.

 

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Gay guys celebrate anniversaries in six-month intervals because, well, they’re gay guys.

 

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Ancient wise woman say, “Keep fire alive by feeding it wood” 😉

 

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I noticed that during those brief periods when all is “light and good”, nothing’s funny (I’m going to stop praying for world peace).


 

 

 

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My First Honorarium

I’ve never officially won any honors other than consistently doing well academically, and once guessing the correct number of candy corns in a giant jar at Manchester Honda.

I was therefore very honored and excited to have been invited to be a guest speaker for a popular course, “Funny Women,” at ECSU (Eastern Connecticut State University) by Drs. Rita Malenczyk and Meredith James.


I arrived at the March 1st class as my occasional stage alter-ego, Grace Whitestone, performed a 12 minute set, then came back as myself for a Q&A. The students were engaged, had excellent questions and laughed at the right time in most instances. If they didn’t, that’s on me!

It’s gratifying to know this old class clown has still got it.


For more information about this and other ECSU classes: CLICK HERE!

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