KBJB Radio Blog: May 25, 2017

FINGERS CROSSED I’ll soon to be cohosting a KBJB radio show about dating advice with a very fine-looking colleague. Check out KBJB’s blog and current programming content:

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everyone KBJB Radio has Great shows & Original Music!!

Hi Everyone…wow has it has been a long time I think right?  This whole month of May has flown by so quickly and I honestly can’t remember what I’ve done all month, LOL!!!!  I know we had a KBJB meeting and we tossed around a few new ideas.  We are working on doing some local comedy shows…because as you all know our Kathy Shaner Johanson (KJ) is a comedian and she is hysterical with her Long Island Comedium routine, hahahaha.  I am starting to type like I text?  It sure does get ingrained in us with all the technology.  Nice to know I can still absorb it.  🙂  We would also like to bring my husband’s bands (yes he plays in two)  closer to home so my local peeps in New Milford, CT. can hear them.   We are working on alot…

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Badass bitches in a recording studio

30 sec promo KJ (Kathy Johansen) and I did last week for Kathy Henkel’s Fitness Five and The Warped View, which air on KBJB Radio….Listen in!! We sound mahvelous! 😂——> Fitness 5 / Warped View spot

Stream KBJB anytime here—> KBJB Radio/TV

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Major Crwnage

Older women are like fine wine. They deserve to be drunk.


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I hate when you’re trying to throw away a Styrofoam peanut and it keeps sticking to your hand. I also hate knowing that 45 years ago, this would have given us kids enjoyment for hours.

 

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Reading some people’s social media posts and the ensuing commentary is like watching a monster truck event. You can see there’s some heavy duty machinery out there, but the activity seems largely pointless, if not a bit self-destructive.

#trucknuts

 

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Caged chickens desperately need cooping mechanisms.

 

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I wonder if Joseph Pilates knew about the other kind of workout you could have in a bed.

 

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I made a square pie on 3/14 just to be obtuse.

 

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An old man with Prosopagnosia (face blindness) told me he never forgot a set of tits.

 

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I’m finding adult programming too depressing so now am only watching Fraggle Rock.

 

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They say Helen of Troy’s face launched a thousand ships, but I bet what she had below the neck helped release tons of seamen.


Helen also had a great bust.


 

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Loose lips may sink ships, but tight lips can launch a missile.

 

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I have read the actual Kabbalah – it’s very difficult. Probably need Ayahuasca to do it.

 

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Old shamans never die. They consult for tripadvisor.com.

 

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America has slid into a deep, dark de-evolution of democracy. At no time have I witnessed incompetence and corruption so obviously permeating all levels of government, and frankly, the private sector as well. This is evidenced by the many dumpster fires we currently see. On the plus side, nowhere to go but up. (Mostly, I just wanted to do a blog post with the phrase “dumpster fires” in it.)

 

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People who use the cliché “It doesn’t work in the end” … don’t realize it’s code for “I don’t do @n@l.” #NoAssPlay

 

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No one has ever joked about the chicken that did NOT cross the street. #roadkill

 

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Many colleges now have videos available online so you can see the living environment and better be able to picture what it will be like when the Strippergram shows up.



 

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Some people are like litter boxes: shallow and full of excrement.

 

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If you’re a big fish in a small pond that is gonna make your ass look fat.

 

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In light of recent world events, I would like to say it’s been really nice knowing most of you.

 

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All these wonderful Trump impressions are going to be completely overshadowed by the first mushroom cloud.

 

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I hate people that boast about how their parents can still walk and talk.

 

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The point in your life when you are constantly serious but people always think you’re kidding is when you must accept that you might be insane.

 

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Gay guys celebrate anniversaries in six-month intervals because, well, they’re gay guys.

 

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Ancient wise woman say, “Keep fire alive by feeding it wood” 😉

 

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I noticed that during those brief periods when all is “light and good”, nothing’s funny (I’m going to stop praying for world peace).


 

 

 

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My First Honorarium

I’ve never officially won any honors other than consistently doing well academically, and once guessing the correct number of candy corns in a giant jar at Manchester Honda.

I was therefore very honored and excited to have been invited to be a guest speaker for a popular course, “Funny Women,” at ECSU (Eastern Connecticut State University) by Drs. Rita Malenczyk and Meredith James.


I arrived at the March 1st class as my occasional stage alter-ego, Grace Whitestone, performed a 12 minute set, then came back as myself for a Q&A. The students were engaged, had excellent questions and laughed at the right time in most instances. If they didn’t, that’s on me!

It’s gratifying to know this old class clown has still got it.


For more information about this and other ECSU classes: CLICK HERE!

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Don’t hate me because I’m lovable

Why has no one yet opened a chain of comedy club/restaurants with Hooters-style waitresses and called it “Titters”?

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Emotions are like breasts. They’re meant to be felt. Also if you try hard, you can lick an emotion.

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My mother-in-law was a secretary; totally old school, took shorthand, even spoke shorthand. She’d say, “You’re a dick.”

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When geese mass rape it’s called a gaggle bang.

geese gaggle

 

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I’m really just trying to keep Hope alive. Hope is this bitch who lives in my basement.

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Sometimes I need to take a pill because my husband is such a pill.

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Women who are able to temporarily transfer their brains into their vaginas during intercourse are better able to fully enjoy a meeting of the minds.

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Infants that don’t get ta-ta’s get ba-ba’s. What a dif a consonant makes.

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A new executive order is expected to set protocol during the playing of the national anthem:  putting the hand over the heart will be replaced with grabbing a stranger’s gonads. You can leave your hat on.

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Life is like a seminar. There are long boring stretches, sometimes you have to use the bathroom, but overall it’s good to be there.

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The Germans have come out with a new word to describe our current administration: “Schlockstaphff.”  #Schlock  #Staff  #ShittyWorkers

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Dude once sang an aria to me in bed and I thought he was The One. Turns out he was just a show off.

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If you are too shy to try to be outright sexy, do a parody of yourself being sexy and it probably comes off as sexy. #trustMe

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Aside from the crushing and constant existential dread, I had a happy childhood.

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Who the hell says “nowadays” nowadays?

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It’s hard to be serially monogamous if you can’t find anyone suitable to date. Margaret Mead was lucky to have had options. I’m sure she went to her prom.

margaret mead

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Nowadays, you are given an antibiotic before some dental procedures, but I think it’s a good idea to take Motrin before sex.

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Anxiety status: currently considering asking for nitrous oxide at dentist’s office ($85 a dose)

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I never noticed before how much taller Tom Brady is than Bill Belichick. But as they say, everyone is the same height in bed. #Kidding  #NewEnglandBromance

brady belichick

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They say vagina is the giver of life. But if poo did not come out a woman’s butt, she would die in about two weeks from toxicity levels.  #JestSaying  #LifeFromUranus

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As the old poet once said, it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have gotten laid at all.

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Nailed It! Linda’s O.P. Nails, 126 Center St., Manchester CT, 860-646-7888

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Nail designs by Linda’s O.P. Nails!

136 Center St.

Manchester, CT

860-646-7888

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Power to the Piehole

I’d rather be a ponderer than a panderer.

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If I ever got divorced and started dating again I’d do things with men I never did with my husband. I would definitely try to talk less while watching movies.

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Stilladicktomy: the procedure you periodically have done to maintain long-term matrimony. #MarriageFatigue

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It’s interesting that the only one of Trump’s cabinet nominees that’s probably going down will be a woman. #DeVosSucks

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Just because I don’t cut and paste your Facebook status as you have requested does not mean I don’t care about you or your status. It means I had my fill of cutting and pasting by the end of third grade. And I never ate paste, ever. But I did hang with glue sniffers.

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Melania! Blink twice if Donald made you pee on him on the first date.

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When people ask me, “How can Kellyanne Conway sleep at night?”, I say, “It doesn’t look like she does.” #IDon’tSleepEither&ILookBetterThanSheDoesAndTellFarFewerAlternativeFacts

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Him: I want to stop arguing.

Her: [flashes boobs]

Him: Is that all you have to say?

Her: It’s what you mostly listen to.

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One of the daughters on TLC’s “Sister Wives” announced she’s gay. The show’s producers are angry because she promised she’d practice polygamy when she married. She just didn’t mention that it would be with other women.  #WivesJustWantToHaveFun

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It’s interesting when a bartender expresses concern for your ability to handle each successive drink, yet keeps making them stronger. #MixedSignals

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Just putting lettuce on someone’s sandwich can make their day, and it literally involves no sweat off my ass.

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I now have this urge to tell young people, whenever Lou Reed’s “Take A Walk On The Wild Side” is playing somewhere in the background, “Hey! This song is about giving head. Listen to the words.”

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I graduated one semester early from college because I couldn’t wait to get out of there, find a job and start contributing to sobriety.

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Sometimes I whisper to Wi-Fi what boys have long said to girls: “Please let me connect. I won’t stay in long.”

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Sniffing the contents of a package labeled “Unscented” has got to be controlled by the same part of the brain that makes you touch a hot plate after the waiter tells you not to.

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Sometimes you have a weird experience that seems like a surreal movie, but upon later reflection, it’s more like a shitty TV pilot that never got picked up.

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By the time I’m a grandmother, I hope to get a handle on this parenting thing.

joannaspics-050

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